I am weighing in on the Sam Wood story. What is happening is widely sobering…not because it doesn’t happen in households every day, it does, but because it seems people have been taken off guard by the surprise that such alleged actions can be inflicted by a high profile ‘nice guy’. It offers a cautionary tale.
There are two warnings from wise woman teachings that I have come across in my life training. They are now worth repeating:
- Don’t trust the polish
- Charming men make dangerous lovers
While these may not be true in every case, both of these warnings encourage the need to look for depth of character over glitz and glamour, and trustworthiness and reliability over image and love bombing. Polish and charm can be recipes for disaster if they are the foundations of building relationships. And potentially dangerous. Because they are only surface.
If depth, and quality of character, is what matter, then what goes on inside a person is a major factor.
If you bring forth what is within you, what you bring forth will save you. If you do not bring forth what is within you, what you do not bring forth will destroy you ~ Jesus, Logia 70, The Gospel of Thomas.
None of us knows of Sam’s inner condition, his possible lack of self awareness, or ownership and acknowledgement of his inner demons, which may have caused him to act out so allegedly destructively. Yet Sam’s alleged actions have caused not just the destruction of his own reputation, but also his life situation.
The lesson: do your inner work, mine the shadow aspects, so you don’t destroy yourself, and others, in the process of building an influential leadership reputation.
I have seen in therapy the personas people create readily in their image making for building and sustaining popularity. It can come at the expense of relational valuing. And it can be messy to unravel and rebuild authentically.
Watching out for hubris, sycophants, and enablers, who can inflate your ego to an extent that you lose track of your original leadership and quality of life intent is an ongoing discipline.
Leadership, in or out of the public eye, requires ongoing self examination, on motivation, for long term sustenance of a valuable reputation and optimal wholeness.
As you grow in certain circles, and with certain choices, you can cast a wider shadow. You require discernment in how you engage with your sphere of influence and how you live with those you love.
How you manage power, control, and pressure as you navigate your successful position, is a decision.
Overinvesting in the circus of image making may well cause catastrophic destruction. Do you believe in your own hype, or do you own your reality and helplessness in the self esteem building of your leadership acumen?
I am what I am. Nothing more. Nothing less. The middle ground between inflatedness, and deflatedness ~ Robert A Johnson.
Overidentifying with the ego, not attending to the unconscious, and choosing fame and fortune over substance and authentic connection, can be dangerous choices without regular self accountability checkpoints. Checkpoints where truth and character, over charm and polish, can help maintain wholeness and real growth momentum. Where charm and polish are not compensations for lurking negative outcomes from low self esteem, lack of self agency, and acted out powerlessness. Where the middle ground keeps you aligned. And balances control and connection so that there is no powering over others’ wellbeing.
Where love rules there is no will to power, and where power predominates love is lacking. The one is the shadow of the other ~ Carl Jung.
Balancing the opposites of your external presentation and your inner testimony is worth integrating, regularly.
This situation confronts the souls of both men and women. How we admire external success. How we look for inner substance. And how we relate to charm and polish and it’s impact on the authentic. Surely it offers an opportunity for responsibility, and reparation where necessary.
