Occasionally, when it seems appropriate, I see couples during transition coaching programs.
On one such occasion a new coachee saw me for an initial appointment. He was referred to me by a caring colleague. I saw in him, underneath the discussion, a brokenness that I was unable to penetrate. It was, what could be described, as his life force having left him. And while he spoke about his obvious unhappiness with his work circumstances, he was exceedingly successful at it, and he wasn’t sure how to reconcile it.
He mentioned his wife several times throughout our hour together, and she appeared to be a stabilising element for him. I suggested that perhaps he might invite her in to a session the next time we meet. He was eager. And we arranged it.
At the second appointment his wife briefly spoke about her concern for his wellbeing and the impact it was having, and then made space for him, holding his hand throughout the meeting.
He was showing obvious distress. Highly successful at his workplace. Yet it was taking it’s toll. Long hours, high pressure, great incentive to maintain accomplishments, and resultant rewards, in a high turnover commercial sales occupation. Often number one in the team. Hyped on adrenaline, and then spent, unable to sustain any energy outside of it.
He was stuck in the wheel of success for his company, but he wasn’t feeling it. It left him empty. It had served a purpose previously and was no longer inspiring. He needed to make a change.
And his greatest stumbling block was what to do when he was at the peak of his professional game in a role where there was no room to negotiate, or reframe.
At that point we paused.
I asked him to do two things:
- Put all other people, expectations and judgments, outside of consideration, letting them leave
- Look down at his heart, breathe, and ask it to tell him his greatest need
And with that, and while holding his wife’s hand, he slowed.
His mind chatter and energy shifted.
The pressure lifted.
After a brief period, with tears in his eyes, he revealed it:
I miss my kids. I want to be with my kids.
That was the turning point. The cathartic moment that moved things. We honoured it. And asked what being with his kids would look like for him.
The wheels of his new path were starting to spin. And to set in motion a new way of living to begin.
And there was great equanimity in it.
We subsequently did some values and personality assessments and discovered that the role that he was in was filled with stressors that depleted him. We defined what would better suit him and the interests that motivated him.
A plan was then plotted. And joy started to set in.
As it happened, his wife was keen to return to the workforce, her resume still relevant with qualifications and experience, and ready to be reignited after caring full time for the children. They sought to move out of the city for a renewed lifestyle, something they often talked about. And he wanted to take advantage of the excellence in sales experience and training he had accumulated. He honed in on the Real Estate industry, an area that had always sparked an interest.
And with that, the rest of his program was mapped. A relocation planned, leaving his current role, and defining the training and licensing entry requirements for his new career in the making.
They ultimately moved to a new home in a growing regional city. His wife returned to her profession, and he embarked, with gusto, on a placement, as a real estate salesperson.
He turned his life around.
His mandala of wholeness now more complete:
- He loved himself enough to leave a role that no longer suited him and redirected himself ideally
- He focussed on a way to create more quality time with his family. And it made them all more peacefully engaged and happy.
- He embarked on work with a new purpose, helping other families find great homes in which to live. And he loved it.
- He appreciated more wholeheartedly his new surroundings, professionally, personally, and with his family.
While many coachees do not necessarily embark on the same wholesale change that this coachee did, it shows how the heart can change things. And the trust that he and his wife had, in that moment of realisation, that allowed new dreams to begin.
If you or your people could do with some real discussions about circumstances and the decisions needed for change to happen I have several coaching programs that may suit you. And perhaps new dreams can begin to come true.
